Justice, Legacy, and Living with Vascular Dementia: A Father’s Difficult Choice
As I sit in my hospital room in Bangkok, the gentle hum of medical equipment has become my constant companion. At 50, facing the daily challenges of vascular dementia, I find myself wrestling with a question that has followed me for 32 years: Should I pursue legal action against my brother for the attack that forever changed my life?
Recently, I posed this question to 500 people online. The results were telling: 280 people encouraged me to pursue justice, while 220 suggested letting it go. But numbers alone can’t capture the complexity of this decision or its potential impact on my healing journey.
Understanding Vascular Dementia: My Daily Reality
Let me take you inside what living with vascular dementia really means. Unlike typical age-related dementia, my condition resulted from traumatic brain injury – specifically, multiple blows to the head with a baseball bat when I was just 18. Vascular dementia occurs when blood flow to the brain is reduced or blocked, causing brain cells to be deprived of oxygen and nutrients they need to function properly.
Every day is different. Some mornings, I wake up crystal clear, ready to tackle the world. Other days, I find myself standing in rooms with no recollection of how I got there or what I intended to do. Imagine trying to read a book where random pages keep disappearing – that’s what my memory feels like now.
The Financial Burden and My Children’s Future
The financial reality is staggering:
- Over $700,000 in medical expenses to date
- Ongoing treatment costs in Bangkok
- Lost income potential over three decades
- Future care requirements
But here’s what keeps me up at night: What happens to my children when I can no longer work or care for myself? This isn’t just about seeking justice anymore; it’s about securing their future.
Long-Term Prognosis and Future Impact
The progression of vascular dementia typically follows a step-like pattern:
Short-term (1-2 years):
- Increasing memory difficulties
- Challenges with complex tasks
- Potential mood changes
- Need for structured daily routines
Medium-term (3-5 years):
- Significant assistance needed with daily activities
- Communication difficulties
- Possible physical coordination problems
- Higher risk of falls and injuries
Long-term (5+ years):
- Likely need for full-time care
- Substantial memory and cognitive decline
- Physical complications
- Increased medical intervention requirements
The Financial Implications
Looking at the long-term prognosis, the financial picture becomes clearer:
- Full-time care costs: \$5,000-15,000 per month
- Specialized medical equipment needs
- Ongoing medication expenses
- Regular medical monitoring and interventions
- Potential need for assisted living facilities
Making the Decision: Legal Action Considerations
The question of legal action isn’t just about seeking justice. It’s about:
- Securing financial stability for my children
- Ensuring they won’t bear the burden of my future medical costs
- Creating a safety net for their education and opportunities
- Providing for my care as the condition progresses
The Reality of Time
The nature of vascular dementia means:
- Legal decisions need to be made while I’m cognitively capable
- Financial planning can’t wait
- Care arrangements need to be established
- Support systems must be put in place
Looking Forward: A Father’s Legacy
This isn’t just about seeking justice for a past wrong. It’s about ensuring my children don’t bear the full weight of that afternoon 32 years ago. Every parent wants to leave their children something of value. In my case, pursuing legal action might be the only way to ensure I leave them security rather than burden.
Final Thoughts
While 280 people support legal action, the final decision must align with my capacity for stress, my treatment needs, and my family’s well-being. The question isn’t just “Should I pursue legal action?” but rather “What choice best serves my peace and healing?” As I continue to weigh this decision, I remain focused on what matters most – my health, my children, and creating a future that isn’t defined by that afternoon 32 years ago.
[Author’s Note: This is part of an ongoing true story. Some details and names have been altered as this matter remains before the courts. For media inquiries, please contact samburland@gmail.com]
